BY THE GREAT MENTOK
Image courtesy of Spiritandflesh.com
Aries - March 21 - April 20: MICHAEL leaving 'The Office' was the first of a series of emotional lows for you. Chin up. Stay strong. Where there's a WILL, there's a way.
Taurus - April 21 - May 21 : Counting the days only makes them seem longer. Count the sec-onds. There are more of them, but they pass quicker.
Gemini - May 22 - June 21: You know that thing that you've always wanted to do, but never had the time to do it? Make time. It will be worth it...trust me.
Cancer - June 22 - July 22: Unless I am read-ing this wrong, which I NEVER do, things are REALLY heating up for you. (Stay away from open flames for a while, though...just in case).
Leo - July 23 -August 21: I see money in your future...whether you are making this money or losing it is still unclear. However, considering that you bought large shares of stock in a com-pany that manufactures a product called 'kitten mittens,' I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Virgo - August 22 - September 23: You have a lot of emotional strength to share with oth-ers. Don't be afraid of holding anything back, but don't take on too many projects either. Your friends do not need a 'Superman,' just a brave one.
Libra - September 24 - Oc-tober 23: The opposite sex is really responding to you this month. These responses will be mostly negative unless you phrase your questions just right. Remember, 'Interest-ed is Interest-ing.'
Scorpio - October 24 - No-vember 22: Rome wasn't built in a day, right? Well, neither will your new la-trine. Be patient and invest in some buckets for the time being
Sagittarius - November 23-December 22: Pride gener-ally comes before the fall. In order to stay on cloud nine you are going to have to eat some humble pie. Chew well.
Capricorn - December 23 - January 20: You will have a rash… sorry. I'd go into more de-tail, but you'll find out about it soon enough
Aquarius - January 21 - February 19: Fear is holding you back from achieving your true po-tential. Fear has always held you back. It is time to punch fear in its stupid, smirking face.
Pisces - February 20- March 20: It is impor-tant to note...*text missing*...with peanut butter and jelly, but don't...*text missing*...turns pur-ple, then call the hospital...*text missing*...of this and you will do just fine. If you don't...well...don't say I didn't warn you
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